(a day lily from Mom's garden)


Today was the day that we met with hospice. Mom has been suffering with stage 4 lung cancer since October of 2006. Last Friday the doctor confirmed for us that there were no further treatments that would make Mom feel better or cure her.





None of this is easy and I guess that goes with out saying.





As an only child I grew up very independent. My parents encouraged that. They raised me in a household where there were never any worries. There was never a question of anything running any way but smoothly. When it came time for me to move out on my own I was anxious to start my own household and run it smoothly as well. Mom and Dad were always there to call for advice.





Our roles reversed over the past 10 or 15 years. They came to me for advice on technology and the value of household upgrades and improvement's that needed to be made. I was uncomfortable with this role at first. I can't say that I am really comfortable now. What keeps me going is seeing the relief in their eyes when I solve a problem and make fixing it completely transparent to them.





I asked Mom's doctor to call hospice. This was the hardest request I have ever made. My Mom's cognitive abilities have been fading over the past 2 months and my Dad and I need help caring for Mom. I want everything to run smoothly for both of them. I don't want my Mom to be afraid or become upset because she doesn't understand something.





During the meeting with hospice I had to explain to my Mom and Dad what the "do not resuscitate" order meant. First the social worker explained it - I could tell by the look in my Mom's eyes that she didn't quite understand. She looked at me and said "what do you want?" I tried as gently as I could to explain it myself. I told her that what this meant was that if she stopped breathing or if her heart stopped beating Dad and I would not call 911. We would not have her connected to machines in the hospital and that we would let things happen the way God intended. She said "okay, that's right, that's what I want."





I feel a strange sense of relief now that hospice is involved. They are not the harbingers of death. They deliver dignity and tranquility in a situation where things seem impossible at times.